For the past week, I’ve found it really hard to concentrate on my writing. I still put in the time, but whenever I open up LD2 (the novel I’m currently editing) it only takes about fifteen minutes before my mind wanders. Without even thinking about it, I’m opening up twitter, or wordpress, and then have to force myself to close it down. This isn’t purely a writing thing (although the rejection letter from last weekend is probably impacting me more than I realize), as I’ve noticed this lack of motivation in other areas of my life right now too. I’ve been starting my exercises in the morning, but I haven’t always finished. I’ve made attempts to eat healthily, but then find that I just can’t choke down another salad and have a big bowl of ice cream for dessert. My apartment is a mess. I can’t even motivate myself to put away the already clean dishes resting the drying rack. There are people I know I should be calling about my upcoming wedding, but I just can’t bring myself to pick up the phone. Etc, etc.
I know, deep down, that this current state of mind is not that big of a deal. I have days in my life when I am SUPER motivated and productive. Of course I’m going to have a few when the opposite is true. But for the time being, it just puts me in a negative frame of mine. Today I even found myself wondering why I even bother with my writing. Why have I put HOURS upon HOURS of work into everything when I’m probably not going to see any results? I am aware that the odds are against me here. I know that my fiction is pretty good. I put a lot of thought into my writing, and I believe it shows in the end. But you know what? There are a lot of “pretty good” writers out there. In all honesty, is there anything about me that stands out from the crowd? Even if I do get something published, who’s to say that anyone is even going to care?
Most days, I love writing for the sake of writing, external validation be dammed. I get excited about taking a kernel of an idea and making a story out of it, then taking that mess of a rough draft and polishing it into something worth while. (The less than worth while ones? Well, those don’t ever need to leave my laptop). But every now and then there’s a day like this, when the whole thing is just blah.
Perhaps I just need to be distracted. I certainty have a busy weekend in front of me (work, then seeing my parents, then more wedding stuff. This all adds up to WAY too much time in a car with dying AC. Why does it need to be 90 degrees right now?), so writing will be kept at a minimum. Maybe by next week, I’ll be out of this little funk.
Wish me luck.